Working Script for Rabbit Trax Comedy Radio Show #34

Title - More Muggins

by Thomas H. Hunter - 22 MAR 93

Sam : Hello, Bo.

Tom : Well, if it isn't Sam Hardcider, the Yesterday USA janitor.

Sam : Put a lid on it, Bo. I don't like people to know I'm the janitor.

Tom : Is that why you wear the tuxedo?

Sam : It makes me look important.

Tom : But the mop and bucket are a dead giveaway.

Sam : Bill don't give nothin' away, Bo. I hadda pay for them.

Tom : Bill hired you as janitor and then made you pay for your own mop and bucket?

Sam : Not exactly, Bo.

Tom : What do you mean, 'not exactly'?

Sam : Bill didn't exactly hire me.

Tom : Well, you're certainly not working for free.

Sam : No, Bo. I have to pay Bill five dollars a week.

Tom : I don't understand. You pay Bill to let you mop the floors plus you have to pay for your own mop and bucket... why don't you just leave?

Sam : What, and give up radio? How much do you pay Bill?

Tom : Never mind Sam. Was there anything else on your mind?

Sam : Did ya hear about Muggins?

Tom : I prefer not to hear about Muggins.

Sam : Then ya don't know he's in jail?

Tom : (Laughing) Muggins in jail. (Solemnly) (Clear throat) Muggins in jail!

Sam : Yup. They caught him shoplifing at the bakery.

Tom : I just can't imagine that Muggins would take anything that wasn't his.

Sam : Oh, no. Well I heerd he wanted some 'hot biscuits'. See ya, Bo.

Muggins: Hoi!

Tom : Hello Muggins. I thought you were in jail.

Muggins: Not me, boy. What would I be doing in the cooler?

Tom : Cooling your hot biscuits?

Muggins: Let's change the subject. How are things in Kookamonga?

Tom : I wouldn't have the faintest idea. Why?

Muggins: Well, I just happen to have a letter from my Uncle Charlie.

Tom : Is your Uncle Charlie from Kookamonga?

Muggins: Who?

Tom : Your Uncle Charlie!

Muggins: Oh, do you know Uncle Charlie?

Tom : No. You just said you had a letter from him.

Muggins: Who told you about my letter?

Tom : Uncle Charlie.

Muggins: Now how would Uncle Charlie know that I had a letter?

Tom : He sent it to you.

Muggins: Who?

Tom : Your Uncle Charlie sent you a letter!

Muggins; He did! Now wasn't that thoughtful of him. I better go see if it's in the mailbox.

Tom : It's in your hand.

Muggins: Oh, yur. Now isn't that something. I wonder why I have a mailbox in my hand.

Tom : Why don't you look inside?

EFFECTS: (Mailbox opens)

Muggins: Well, look at that! A letter from my Uncle Charlie. I better go thank him.

Tom : While Muggins goes to thank Uncle Charlie, let's listen to Peter Sellers.

Hot Rod: Hello Mr. Tom.

Tom : Oh, hello Hot Rod. What's that in your hand? A letter from YOUR Uncle Charlie?

Hot Rod: No Silly. It's a mailbox. Mr. muggins sold it to me.

Tom : He sold it to you!

Hot Rod: Yeah. Oh, look! There's something inside. It's a letter fwom Uncle Charlie.

Tom : I didn't know you had an Uncle Charlie.

Hot Rod: I didn't know either. But I must. Here's a letter from him.

Tom : Are you sure that letter isn't from Muggins' Uncle Charlie?

Hot Rod: Don't be silly. Why would muggins' Uncle Charlie be writing to me. He doesn't even know me.

Tom : I never thought of that.

Hot Rod: That's because you're not as smart as I is.

Tom : Well, is you going to read your letter or isn't you?

Hot Rod: Yeah, I is. As soon as I learn how to wead.

Tom : While Hot Rod's learning how to read, I have to practice my reading.