Working Script for Rabbit Trax Comedy Radio Show #24

TITLE - Rabbit Trax Visits Bill At The Hospital


Bill : Groan (Maybe a slowed geezie)
Interview hospital personel
Muggins - Hospital Director
Hot Rod - Chief Surgeon
Vinegar Sam - Parking lot attendant
Cooper - Bill's Doctor
Denny Nichols (?)

Tom____: We are speaking to you from the Richardson Hospital and Veterinary clinic where Ruth brought Bill a week ago. There's Bill now, sitting in the waiting room while the admitting nurse fills out his insurance forms. Would you say a few words Bill so everyone will know you're OK?

Bill___: Groan

Tom____: He's OK. In a few minutes we'll get to speak with the Hospital Director about Bill. But first here is...

Tom____: We're here in the office of the Hospital Director. I realize that you are a busy man sir, and that it is your job to keep this hospital running by sheer willpower and the force of your personality.

Muggins: Oh, yer. I'm a very important man. If it weren't for me... uh, I wouldn't be here.

Tom____: I can see that Dr. ah...?

Muggins: Muggins. Charlie Muggins. Dr. Charlie Muggins. I'm a very important man around here. (Yawn)

Tom____: Dr. Muggins!

Muggins: (Sleepily) Oh, hi. Who are you?

Tom____: I'm from Yesterday USA and we wanted to ask you how Bill Bragg is progressing.

Muggins: Oh, Yeah, well. Let's see here. (Rustles papers) Bill Bragg huh? He's doing about as well as can be expected. We've done a complete examination and we should have the results in a couple days.

Tom____: You've done an examination of Bill's abdomen?

Muggins: No, no. Of his wallet! I can see you don't have any medical training. We didn't discover much, but we're examining the X-rays for secret compartments. We figure we should have him admitted in a week or two... Depending on the results of our consultations...

Tom____: With his family doctor?

Muggins: No, with his employer and his bank. This is vitally important for a preliminary diagnosis of the patients financial resposibility.

Tom____: But have you determined what is wrong with Bill?

Muggins: Now let's not go putting the carriage before the horseless. There MIGHT be something seriously wrong... with his credit for example. You wouldn't expect us to let just anybody in, now would you?

Tom____: No. No, I guess not. Well, can you tell me who is the Chief Surgeon?

Muggins: Let's see here. (Shuffles papers) That would be Dr. Duhn.

Tom____: And where can I find him?

Muggins: Let me look at my watch. Now if I put my little foot here... and my big foot there... He should just be back from his golf game. Try the doctor's lounge.

Tom____: Is the door unlocked?

Muggins: No. You better use this key.

EFFECTS: (Note played on organ)

Tom____: What key is that?

Muggins: The key of "C". Hahahaha

Tom____: Let's hear from ... while I find the Chief Surgeon.

Tom____: Doctor, what are your qualifications as a surgeon.

Cooper_: I do it all repair work on stritcara. I fix it brakes. I grease it vheels. I sveep it floor and vash it vindows. I pretty good, boy!