TITLE - Denny Nichols Sound-alike Contest
Tom____: Yesterday USA. I'm Tom Hunter. Welcome to the "Denny Nichols Sound-Alike Contest" on...
Tom____: Muggins, do you really expect to fool anyone?
Muggins: I fooled Denny Nichols.
Tom____: How do you mean you fooled Denny Nichols?
Muggins: I fooled him into thinking I was Bill Bragg's son.
Tom____: You mean you aren't?
Muggins: Don't be re-doc-u-lis. Everybody knows that Bill and I are brothers!
Tom____: So that's the skeleton-in-the-closet Bill has been hiding from everyone for so long.
Muggins: Yup, yup, yup.
Tom____: There's a desperate need for Denny Nichol's impersonators in major cities all over the country. I read in the National Inspirer just this morning that a man in Illinois gave up a promissing career as a nuclear physicist to become the official Denny Nichols impersonator for the city of Chicago. He was quoted as saying that he was much happier in a far more fulfilling career, he was earning more money than he could spend and he had lost 23 pounds and was looking better than ever.
Muggins: You mean there's money in it?
Tom____: Oh yes. You too can enter the high paying field of Denny Nichols impersonation, earn the respect of your community and the love of your fellow man. Just send $25 to the Bill Bragg School of Denny Nichols Impersonation, Richardsoon, Texas, 78083-6222,
Hot Rod: How can you say that so good?
Tom____: I practice half an hour every day...The Eggplant That Ate Chicago, The Eggplant That Ate Chicago, The Eggplant That Ate Chicago...
Tom____: Take my advice pal, Don't quit your regular job. You're never going to make it as a professional Denny Nichols Impersonator. You're the worst we've ever heard!
EFFECTS: (Run him out of the studio)
Tom____: These nobodies think they can walk in off the street and upstage a professional. It takes years of practice and attention to detail to impersonate Denny Nichols. It's even harder than learning to say "The Eggplant That Ate Chicago". And it takes a lifetime of work and study to impersonate Denny Nichols saying 'The Eggplant That Ate Chicago". I'll bet even the Real Denny Nichols can't say that.... The real Denny Nichols?... Wait a minute... Who was that masked man?... That guy we just threw out?
Tom____: And now here he is...the *winner* of the "Denny Nichols Sound-Alike Contest", Bill Bragg.